fillmore east Lyrics

Mud Sh-sh-shark


Lemme tell you 'bout the Mud Shark...
The origins of the Mud Shark are as follows: There's a motel in
Seattle, Washington called the Edgewater Inn. The Edgewater Inn's
built on a pier.. so that means that when you look out your window
you don't see any dirt -- it's got a bay or something out in your
backyard,,, And to make it even more interesting, in the lobby of
the aforementioned motel there's a bait and tackle shop where the
residents can go down whenever they want to, and rent a fishing pole
and some preserved minnows and schlep back up to their rooms, open
the window, stick their little pole outside and within a few minutes
actually catch a fish of some sort that they can bring into their
motel room and do whatever they want with it... you know what I
mean? Now in this bay there's quite a variety of ah... fish! Not
only do they have mud sharks up there, they got little octopusses
that you can catch. And all these denizens of the deep can come in
real handy... Let's say you were a travelling Rock and Roll band
called the Vanilla Fudge. Let's say one night you checked into the
Edgewater Inn Motel with a 8mm movie camera, enough money to rent a
pole, and just to make it more interesting -- a succulent young lady
(Mnaaaah!) with a taste for the bizarre... My mind drifts back to a
meeting, a chance meeting in the Chicago O'Hare Airport where the
members of the Vanilla Fudge told Don Preston about a home movie
they made at the Edgewater Inn with a Mud Shark. I'm gonna tell you,
this dance, the Mud Shark, is sweeping the ocean!...

You go out
So far out
You do the Mud Shark. baby ... etc

What's a girl like you
Doin' in a place like this?

I left my place after midnight
And I came to this hall
Me and my girlfriend, wecame here
Lookin' to ball

You came to the right place
This is it
This is the swingin-est place
In New York City

(Chorus line) NO SHIT!

How true it is
Me and my girlfriend, we come here
Every night looking for that
Hot romance we need
We like to get it on --
Do you like to get it on, too?

Well now, what did you have in mind?

Okay: well I get off bein' juked
With a baby octopus
An spewed upon with cream corn! AAH... UNH!
An' my girlfriend, she digs it
With a hot YOOHOO bottle
While somebody's screamin':

Well, it gets me so hot
I could scream

You two chicks sound real far aout and groovy
Ever been to a Holiday Inn?
Magic Fingers in the Bed (Picture it!)
Wall-mounted TV screen:
Coffee-Wost plugged into the bathroom wall
Formica's really keen!

(Chorus line) What kind of girl do you think we are?
What kind of girl do you think we are?
Don't call us groupies
That is going too far
We wouldn't ball you
Just because you're a star

These girls wouldn't let just anybody
Spew on their vital parts
They want a guy from a group with a
Big hit single in the charts

Funny you should mention it:
Our new single just made the charts this week
With a bullet! With a bullet!
Lust let me put a little more
Rancid Budweiser on my beard right now, Baby

And you can show me how a young girl such as you
Might be thrilled and overwhelmed by me...

What hotel did you say you are staying at?

Wanna split right away?

Not so fast, you sillt boy... there's one thing I gotta say:

(Chorus line) We want aguy from a group who's got a thing in the
We want aguy from a group who's got a thing in the charts
We want aguy from a group who's got a thing in the charts
We want aguy from a group who's got a thing in the charts

And if his dick is a monster
If his dick is a monster
If his dick is a monster
We will give him our hearts...

Hold it! Please hold it!

My God, Madge... you voluptuous New York City slit...
Why did'nt you tell me before?
It was so hard to tell with your little blousey-poo on,
but.. now that I see you... I would have helped...
I didn't know you were so obviously.. PREGNANT...

I've got the thing you need
I am endowed beyound your wildest
Clearasil-spattered fantasies, oh oh oh..

Girls from all over the world
Love to write my name on the toilet walls
At the Whisky a Go Go
For I am Bwana Dik
I am Bwana Dik
Me Bwana Dik
Me Bwana Dik

My dick is a monster
Give me your heart
My dick is a Harley
You kick it to start

(Chorus line) When Bwana Dik speaks
The heavens will part

My dick is a dagger
I'll force it to fit
My dick is a reamer, Baby
To scream up your slit

Steam it! Ream it! cream it!

Acetylene Nirvana
Talkin' 'bout your hemorrhoids, Baby

Acetylene Nirvana
Talkin' 'bout your hemorrhoids, Baby

Steam roller
Steam roller
Steam roller
Steam roller

Help me
Help me
Help me
Help me

Feel the steam
See the steam
Hear the steam
Feel the steaming hot black screaming
Iridescent naugahyde python gleaming
Steam roller

All groupies must bow down
In the sacred presence of
The Latex Solar Beef

You are... you gotta tell me something... I mean, seriously, I'm
tellin' you this is the first time that any of my girlfriends and I
have ever met anybody really from Hollywood... I mean, really... my
girlfriend Jim, and Ian, and Aynsley, and Bob, and Frank... I mean,
none of us...

Pleased to meet you...

Hi Howie

We never met a pop star from Hollywood... tell me something: have
you ever met Davey Jones? or Bobby Sherman?

No.. no, I ..

I mean... David Cassady, he's so...

Jimmy Greenspoon, once I...

Three Dog Night?!!


Oh! I love them! They're my favorite band!.. ow gawd.. oh, do you
like my new car? I'm ah.. my Dad just gave it to me for graduation..

Ah yeaah?!! I'ts a ... it's a Fillmore, isn't it? Real futuristic,
ah.. I dig the fins... listen: do you know how to get to the ah
Hollywood Inn from here?

No, ah.. which one is it?

(burp) excuse me. It's the one by the airport... you know... cause
we gotta get up early an'.. fly outta here in the morning,

Oh, I didn't know that... Where do you guys play tomorrow night? I
mean, I'd like to come maybe... in your bus or somethin'...


(Voice in background):
In the BUS!

Come in the bus, huh?... Tomorrow we're in ah, let's see... Tierra
del Fuego...

Ook! You're so professional, Howie!

Oh, it's not... it's nothing...

Howie, I mean, the way you gettin' tp-tp to play, an all these
exotic places, I mean...


Tell me something.. tell me and my girl-... TELL me: Do you really
have a hit record... on the charts now?... with a BULLET? ... I mean
that's really important to me...

Listen, honey: Would I lie to you just to get in your pants?

He-Het! Listen! Hey, listen to me tellin' ya: WE ARE NOT GROUPIES!

Naw, I never.. I never said...

We are not groupies! You better understand that!.. I told Robert
Planet, I told Elton John, I told all those big guys...

Robert PLANET?!

We are not groupies!

No, I never..

Roger Daltrey never laid a hand on me!

Yaw.. it's obvious to see why... listen, I never...

(2nd non-groupie):

(1st non-groupie):
Tell him! Tell him right now!

(2nd non-groupie):
We only like musicians for f-friends. You know?

(voices in back):
Real straight arrow, Howie, Really... just for friends, Howie...

(2nd non-groupie):
But we still like you Yeah.. we wouldn't mind coming in your bus,

(2nd non-groupie):
I mean, we still want to hear your record...

Listen you chicks!now didn' .. didn't you just say that you got off
bein' juked with a BABY OCTOPUS and spewed upon with cream corn?
an' that your hair-lipped dyke-o bass-playing girlfriend on the
backseat had to have it with a YOO-HOO bottle or she went


What's the deal, baby? Come on..

Howie! Howie, lissen yo me... all that's true..

Come across..

All that's true, and sometimes I even dig it with a Doctor Brown's
Cream Soda... or a CEL-RAY!... but! we are not groupies! No matter
what you think...

No, I never...

We are not groupies..

You see, there seems to be some kind of a communication problem,
honey... because I... I am a lonely guy from outta town, y'know
an'... an' I want some ACTION... what I'm talkin' about is, I
wanna... a-a-steaming... succulent... ever-widening, gooey, drippy,
runny kind of a hole with a... with... how shall I put this... what
say we hop in the trunk of your Gremlin AN' GET OUR ROCKS OFF...

Hey! hey-hey-hey-heyyyy.... Jesus!...

(voice in back):
I'm in this band, man...

(voice up front):
Very agile, Howie, very agile...

(voice in back):
I am in this band no matter what we do up here... it's all...

Now lissen! It just so happend... tonight me and my girlfriends, I
mean, we've all come here for one thing tonight...


Looking for a guy... And we're looking for a guy from a group





WAAAAAAAAH!... That's me!! That's me! ooh! ... oooohh, you
voluptouns Manhattan Island clit.. Take me... I'm yours, you
hole... Fulfill my... wildest... dreams!....

Ooooh! Anything for you, my most seductive, seclusive... pop star of
a man... picture this if you can: bead jobs! knotted nylons! bamboo
canes! three unreleased recordings of Crosby, Stills, Nash and Young
fighting in the dressing-room of the Fillmore East! Why, 'n
enchilada wrapped with pickle sauce shook up and down in between a
donkey's legs until he can't it stand anymore! All this and more,
Howie! Including! an electric coolde pony harness, with fuel
injection... fuel injection... fuel injection...

Oooh! my god, I ... I ... I can't stand it!... I mean... I mean, dou
you understand the implications of what I'm saying? I CAN'T STAND
IT!!! I CAN'T STAND IT !! I CAN'T STAND IT!! OH NO!!... Oh my god...
I'm going home! I'm gonna see my baby... (etc) I really can't stand
it... please... give it to me... give it to me right here in the
trunk of your Gremlin.. give me... GIVE ME THE ENCHILADA WITH THE

Hey-hey! haha! Not until you sing me your big hit record!... and I
want to hear the big hit record, and I wanna hear it now, an' I
wanna hear the big hit record now with a bullet! With a bullet!

The bullet?

The BULLET! The BULLET! I'ts the part that gets me the hottest...
hehe!.. now sing me that record, and I wanna hear it right now or
you ain't driving nowhere tonight, buddy...

Well, I know when I'm licked... all over.... Okay, baby: BEND OVER
AND SPREAD 'EM!... Here comes my... BULLET!!

(all sing Happy Together)